The Chase

I ABSOLUTELY HATE STARTING OVER with a potential significant other. It’s really ANNOYING (for lack of a better word). Actually, reading back on that last sentence, I just realized it was really pessimistic. I guess it could be exciting to start over with new possibilities.  But I don’t think I’m one of those people that looks at the glass half full when it comes to relationships.  My annoyance may or may not be masking the fear of rejection. It might be because I’m an introvert. But regardless, it’s something I have yet to feel comfortable with. Why? Because on a scale of 1 – 100 (1 being anti-social and 100 being a social butterfly), my social skills are probably at like a -5. Yea, with family and people I’ve known for years I’m comfortable and talk a lot and seem extroverted. But that’s only because both parties put in time to make the relationship grow.

I partially blame social media for changing the way we interact with each other. In ways it has definitely helped us stay in touch, but there’s a sort of disconnect. It’s all about likes and captions. And sharing every detail of your day… Can’t we just enjoy the day, our time together, or our trips without trying to find the perfect angles and hash tags? Can’t we just be in the moment? The here and now. Live now, post later? But that’s not what I’m here to talk about though.

Building a relationship, getting to know someone, dating, flirting…that’s what I call “the chase.”  But how do I play this game? I feel like the rules have changed. Someone puh-leeeeeeeease tell me how to do this cuz a sistah is LOST! Are you not supposed to talk every day? I mean we don’t have to have hour long conversations, but If we talkin’ I feel like Good Morning and Good Night texts should be automatic. Right? Maybe a “how’s your day going” or “How was your day?” Literally that’s all I need to get me through the day! Those texts give life. Lol Especially after long days working both jobs. Just check up on me sheesh. Also, shouldn’t the conversation go back and forth between people until it’s come to an end? You know…like if I was the last person to text, that person should respond and text back? I mean that’s not really important, but just curious….

At what age do we stop playing 21 questions? Yes we need to get to know each other, but I wanna know your greatest fears and accomplishments, your biggest disappointment, your hopes and dreams, your childhood memories. Not just your favorite color and favorite food…Can we get deep? Or is vulnerability not a thing during this time? Is sex the pre-requisite to that?? (It shouldn’t be?!?!)

Are date nights not a thing? Like do we just see each other whenever it’s convenient? I get it. We busy. But can we have a designated date night? Once a month? Once every other week? Once a week? You have time for the gym. Time for your friends. Time to update on Instagram, Facebook and snapchat posting a million stats, tweets, insta-stories, and snaps but DON’T RETURN MY TEXT OR CALL. I see you’re alive, so respond sheesh. Now I’m no angel when it comes to this. Honestly, I’m the worst at returning text messages and answering phone calls. But let’s work on it together.  That’s good that you’re grindin’. I’m really not complaining. But uhhh….is there any time for me? Like I’d literally be happy with a 5 min meet up and a hug… Or AT THE VERY LEAST communicate, to me, that you’re doing XYZ and that’s why we can’t hang.  Or hit me up to say I crossed your mind (if I even crossed your mind) and we can link up next week or something…a text, a call, a FaceTime, a snap, an Instagram DM, Facebook message, letter, email, road flare or something…. or Is Netflix and chill, during “late hours”…randomly…the only option?

Why is it so hard to talk about expectations and intentions upfront? Why waste time guessing about what’s going on? What do you want? What don’t you want? What are you looking for?  Is this just a situationship? Like I need to know where things are going so I know how to move.  That’s cool if you don’t have an answer, cuz honestly that’s an answer! Will I be involved with someone and I wont have to ask this question because they made it clear in the beginning? Or is that too much to ask?

And at what point do we become boyfriend and girlfriend? Do you ask me? Do people even ask anymore? Or is it just assumed after spending a certain amount of time together? Do I find out when you introduce me to someone as your girlfriend?

Are all these questions irrelevant? Am I over thinking this? I can’t be the only one lost and confused right? What are your thoughts??? Let me know!!!