The Dating Process

“You’re going to date a few cowards before you meet someone brave enough to love you.”

-R.H. Sin

The first date is basically an interview for a relationship opportunity. The same tips used for job interviews can be applied to first dates. I know its a weird way to think about it, but just accept it ok?

  1. Do research: It’s your pre-work. Get a feel for what you’re walking into. Basically, facebook creep and instagram stalk. At my age, the investigation also includes linkedIN profiles, google searches, and maybe even mobile patrol (to check for recent run-ins with law enforcement).
  2. Update your resume and review common interview questions. Gotta be prepared to talk about past relationships, educational background, the work that you currently do, and maybe even future career goals. (It might be important to mention if you have kids. Idk the rules around though cuz I don’t have any)
  3.  Dress for Success. If it’s happy hour or dinner, you’re basically wearing what you wore to work lol. But you wanna make a good first impression. You can literally wear whatever you want as long as you look nice.  I mean in theory he or she should love you at your worst, but I think we all are kinda superficial by nature so just put a lil bit of effort in (Learn from my mistakes).
  4.  Be on time! Not CPT.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           CPT or CP Time (n.)– Also known as Colored People Time.  The time in which                the race of African Americans follow, which is usually about 20-45 minutes                    behind standard time –Urban Dictionary.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I mean CPT is probably inevitable when it comes to black woman getting dressed, doing  there hair, and putting on make up. (I don’t know if this is universal amongst women of all ethnicities and nationalities, but def. for black woman). Most woman don’t start getting ready till like an hour before the scheduled time. Even though it takes them 2 and a half hours to get ready.  (I’m no where near this bad). But since this is bound to happen, preparation is key.  Fellas, make the reservation at 8. Tell her it’s at 7 and that you’ll pick her up at 6:30. Even though you KNOW she wont be ready, YOU BETTER BE THERE AT 6:30, bring a snack, and just wait! Or just meet her at the restaurant. Sorry but this is the way of life lol. Ladies, try to do better. Turn your clocks forward 15 mins to help with time management and have a hair style and outfit in mind the day before (I know the day of you’re gonna try on the outfit and change your mind anyway so just have back up outfits).
  5. Sell your self. Not like illegally, just show what you bring to the table (hopefully you’re bringing something to the table cuz no body is buying something they already have). Be honest and real about your qualities. Don’t tell lies. Cuz trust it’ll just bring more issues and headaches in the future. Fellas, show that chivalry isn’t dead. Try opening the doors for the woman (Yes even the car door). I know some independent woman just open doors and won’t think twice about. I’m one of them! lol But just tell me to move so you can get it for me. I’ll listen I swear lmao. Ladies, Ask insightful questions.  Not just questions to be nosy about the past, but like find out his hobbies or favorite teams/players in sports. I’m telling you, sports is the way to go. Even if you you hate sports. Fake it till you make it cuz that is one thing all guys have no problem talking about! (You’re welcome).
  6. Close the deal.  Just be blunt and ask about the next steps! “So would you like to go on another date?” “So when’s the next time I’ll see you again?” “So what are your plans for next weekend?” No one likes being left in the dark so just figure it out while you’re still in each others presence.
  7. FOLLOW-UP!!!  “Thank you for the date.”  “Had a great time.” “Text me when you make it home.” “Talk to you tomorrow.”  Very simple! Yet this rarely happens. If the date went well and you want to continue to get to know each other, pleeeeeeeeeeeease continue to converse (NOTconversate. I hate this word. Technically it’s a real word, BUT Its non-standard english and just sounds weird. Let’s stop using it. Please and Thank You! Anyway…). It’s so annoying when you have a good time with someone and then don’t hear from them for like a month -____-  Yea everyone has  things going on in their lives and people are busy buuuut come on. A little effort to express that interest is still there would be nice… just sayin. If the date didn’t go well, then I guess you don’t have to hit the person up. But we grown. Lets at least conclude the “interview.” You know how employers be like “thanks but no thanks”, Yea the date needs one of those. I don’t know how to word that cuz I’m DEFINETLY  one of those people that just don’t return messages and phone calls (Sorry).  But fa real. Not knowing what happened or whats happening is the worse. Just bring closure to the relationship opportunity so people can move on and do better next time with the next person sheesh.

So those are the tips. Only thing I’m completely clueless about is who pays? I know traditionally the guy pays (I always thought it was because men were the breadwinners and made more money), but I have no idea whats happening now. Some say who ever initiates the date pays. Some say you just go Dutch and pay for yourself. Idk. I’ve been in situations where I’ve picked up the check and the guy got extremely offended. I’ve also been in situations where the guy only pulled out enough money to pay for his meal. Either way, I’m ALWAYS prepared to pay for myself.  And I have no problem treating my date, IF WE ARE BOTH ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER AND ARE BOTH INVESTED IN MOVING FORWARD! But honestly I just feel like the guy should pay. And dates don’t necessarily have to cost anything. Its ok to be cheap creative. Go to the park (especially in the summer). Cook together (if you already have food in the house you gucci). Have game night (that literally cost nothing). Or just use google somethings to do. There’s literally a million ideas for dates. I’ll even write some out for you  (in a later post).  But Anyway… Hope these tips help you out. Share your thoughts and experiences about the paying thing. I’m curious to hear what you guys have experienced.

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