“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”
– Malcolm S. Forbes
At some point, life kinda just slaps you in the face and you experience moments of doubt. The kind of doubt that hinders you from taking risks. The kinda of doubt that compels cautiousness and results in missed opportunities. The kinda doubt that may make you question your existence. You’ve experienced this right? Oh nah? I’m the only one? Fine I’ll just talk to myself then cuz I need it right about now lol.
There have been more than a few times where I’ve asked “Am I not good enough?” The question came up often in regards to school, friendships, definitely relationships with (potential) significant others, work, and even coaching. I’m gonna let you into my little world of insecurity. And if you’ve ever felt the same way I have, I hope something I say will give you peace and let you know that you’re not alone.
Ready? Alright. Lets start with relationships.
But how do relationships start anyway?…….. For potential significant others I think its by attraction. Naturally, the physical attributes of a person is the first thing we notice, cuz honestly that’s all we can initially go by. But with social media and the internet, I can know who your friends and family are, where you work, what you like to do, and your favorite color all before we go on a first date or have an intimate one-on-one conversation. Either way, if we like what we see then we decide to proceed or not. It just sucks when one person wants to get to know more and the other person is “all set” (over it). When that happens the doubt sets in.
Am I not tall enough, short enough, skinny enough, thick enough, muscular enough, frail enough, quiet enough, loud enough, busy enough, lazy enough, shy enough, opinionated enough, meek enough, “holy” enough, “liberated” enough, eloquent enough, smart enough, pretty enough, light enough, masculine/feminine enough, talented enough, popular enough, fashionable enough, interesting enough, is my hair not long or straight enough etc…?
The list goes on and on. Prrrretty sure I’ve said all off these to myself at least once. Questioning why that cute guy “lost interest”. Why do we find it so easy to meet people then drop them like we never met? I have yet to find the answer to this question (hence my single status- and yes I am guilty of partaking in the disappearing act), but after reviewing my past unfortunate attempts at entertaining the opposite sex, I’ve come to the conclusion that one key to addressing self-doubt is confidence!
Confidence- A feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. – Oxford Dictionary
Let’s be honest. Confidence is so attractive! Why? Because it shows acceptance of personal flaws and qualities. It shows that you know who you are and what you have to offer. It’s assertive and sometimes even intentional, as far as going for what you want. It’s fearless. It’s intriguing………….making people want to know more……. It kinda has this magnetic pull…….Think about it. Who doesn’t gravitate towards people who have confidence? I’m not saying that cute guy didn’t talk to me because I didn’t have that aura of confidence. (Low key, it probably had something to do with my resting B**** face -sorry mom lol).
Resting B**** Face (n)- a person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to. Urban Dictionary
But I’m sure that extra boost of confidence might have enticed him to stick around a little longer. Or I just could have not been his type? Or he could have had a lot going on in his life? Or didn’t want to be “distracted” while trying to obtain his goals? Or maybe he had girl or was talking to someone? We don’t know cuz there was no discussion. Just a disappearing act…..*kanye shurg* It is what it is.
People have their reasons for the things they do, but it shouldn’t affect your self-perception or how you live your life. Just do you boo. The people who are meant to stick around, will.
Now for those of you have all the confidence in the world, more power to ya! Just beware of the fine line between confidence and cockiness.
Cocky- conceited or arrogant, especially in a bold or impudent way.” Oxford Dictionary
Don’t be that person that thinks they are just Gods gift to mankind. You know what I’m talking ’bout. The one that brags about the things they have or have done, the places they’ve been, the people they’ve met, the awards they have etc… Don’t get me wrong, you can share all those things and be proud of your accomplishments, but there’s a way to do it. In the words of Kendrick Lamar, be humble.
Humble- An admirable quality that not many people possess. It means that a person may have accomplished alot, or be alot but doesn’t feel it is necessary to advertise or brag about it. ” – Urban Dictionary
Humility is also attractive. Its that down-to-earth, quiet sort of confidence. Strive for that.
So in Closing: Confidence and humility are cultivated. It takes time. Its like a flower. You have to plant the seed, water it, give it sunlight, and most importantly be patient. And remember, people will either be the sunshine in your life or the rain. Either way, a flower needs both to grow. While you’re waiting for the flower of confidence and humility to grow, you’ll learn why you are valuable. When you know your worth, doubt has no ability to stay in your life! It honestly wont even matter whether or not that person in your life sticks around, or if you can’t snag the person that you’re attracted to. You know what you bring to the table and if people cant see that, it’s not your problem. It’s just their loss. So try some positive affirmations everyday. Remind yourself of all the things you’re good at and be proud about it! Reflect on the things that you can improve on, cuz nobody is perfect. And of course love yourself!
Flaws and all, YOU ARE ENOUGH!