Can’t Spell Friend without END…

“Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can’t depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can’t be angry at them, it’s just who they are.

There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it’s possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it’s tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can’t handle too much weight. But again, you can’t be mad with them, it’s just who they are.

If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don’t let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.”

– Madea, “Madea Goes to Jail” (the play by Tyler Perry)

I can honestly say that friENDship has taught me more than ANYTHING in life. I may or may not be exaggerating, but seriously. I’ve learned so much about myself, interactions, bonding and even loss. Loss of a friEND is probably the biggest of all those things. For me, losing a friEND is ALMOST just as bad as someone in my life passing away. I know it sounds really extreme, but hear me out. Death is absolute. There’s no coming back. You bury them. You mourn the loss. And that’s it. I mean of course you still have pain and memories.  You never forget.  But eventually you move on to function without them. No matter how slow or fast. Life moves on after their gone.

But losing a friEND….that’s ambiguous. It’s inconclusive. There’s always a chance you’ll see them again (especially in a small town; a friEND from school or childhood friEND) and all the feelings, all the emotions, all the memories start flooding back. It’s like every time someone mentions your old school, or you watch movies you had insiders about, or going to places you used to go together or thinking about the things you used to do; the pain of the fall out resurfaces.  When someone says their name there might be a deep sign or rolling of the eyes depending on how it all ended. (I guess the same can be said for relationships with significant others, but that’s because they were also your friend. Think about it…) And it isn’t always a negative reaction, but pain or sadness is always there. Maybe even regret. It’s the “shoulda-coulda-woulda’s” that makes it linger.

Just remember, God places people in your life for a reason and a season. So when something happens and the seasons change, just think “what was I supposed to learn from this.” Then get over it. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.  You can’t put life on pause wishing, hoping, praying, begging and even wondering why they chose to leave your life or what you did that caused them to decide that the friENDship could no longer continue or if they will ever come back.

Sometimes friENDships end. Maybe they end badly. Maybe they end amicably. But they do indeed end. Life still goes on, with or without that person in your life.  Take what you need to grow from the situation. Be a better person to the people that are STILL in your life. Cherish them! And keep it moving. It is what it is. No, it’s not that easy (Trust me. I know FIRST HAND! Cuz I’m still working on it!) But yes you can get past it. That’s part of growing up.  (Making and managing friENDships and having a best friEND is a -whole -nother story).

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. To all the friends I selfishly disappeared on (mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually), I truly am sorry. I never meant to hurt you.  I know how it feels to be left in the dust and I never wanna do that to  anyone again!